Given the criteria laid down by ERC for staging the 2002 semi-final against Castres, next door in Beziers,Castleisland Calling, made the case for the Heineken Cup semi-final to be staged in south-west Kerry.

The Lions tour has prompted his return. This time with his take on how the first test selection meeting went.

SCW Right Chaps, here s the team I ve, er, we ve picked for the first Test; Lewsey, Robinson, Greenwood, Wilkinson, Hodgson, Dawson, Rowntree, Thompson, White, Johnson, Kay, Hill, Back & Lawrence.
Agreed?

AR I concur.

EO S Eh, sorry Boss, just a few things.

SCW And who are you then ?

EO S O Sullivan Boss, Eddie. I m your backs coach.

SCW Oh very well what is it O Sullivan?

EO S Well Boss it s just, eh, Johnson isn t on the tour Boss. He retired.

SCW Oh drat. Very well then we ll stick in one of your lot O Sullivan, the red haired one.

AR I concur.

EO S And then eh ..

SCW What now Sullivan.

EO S Well Boss, eh, Dallaglio, is injured Boss.

SCW I know that, but Lawrence is still worth his place injured or not.

AR I concur.

EO S But like, he s on crutches Boss, in hospital Boss, in England like.

SCW How irritating. Very well then let s have Corry.

AR I concorry. (chuckle chuckle).

SCW Excellent, let s go catch the end of Emmerdale .. What now Sullivan?

EO S Well like, it s just that you ve left out the captain.

SCW This is so frustrating. Alistair, I suppose we have to include Brian whatisname.

AC I think it would be wise. Don t want to piss-off the Irish do we? And I quite like this captain chap.

AR I concur.

SCW Oh very well then, stick him in. Take out some Scot or other.

AR I concur.

EO S Eh, you didn t pick any Boss.

SCW Did I not? I bet that ruffled their kilts! (haw, haw, haw).

AR - (chuckle chuckle).

SCW Very well then, we ll put Will on the bench.

AR - I concur.

EO'S - "Ah jaysus Boss, ye can't stick Prince William on the bench."

SCW No not that little prat, Sullivan. Greenwood, Sullivan, Greenwood. Now please can we go?

EO S But Boss, eh, what about the Welsh.

SCW They ll do for the mid-week trips to the boon-docks . (haw haw haw)

AR I concur. (chuckle chuckle).

EO S Ah Boss .

SCW Alistair?

AC The Welsh ? Thought we were playing New Zealand ?

SCW Em, no Alistair, of course we re not playing Wales, we re playing the All Blacks......."

"AC - Sorry, Clive you mean New Zealand surely."

SCW - Of course I mean New Zealand.

AC Oh right then Clive. Right, in that case it would be rather clever to include a Welsh player, maybe a goalkeeper, then if we lose we can always blame him and

SCW Alistair ..

AC In fact, include two, a centre half perhaps .

SCW Alistair ..

EO S (tee hee hee).

AR (chuckle chuckle).

SCW Shut-up O Sullivan.

EO S He was laughing as well Boss.

AR Snitch.

EO S Twat.

AR Not sitting beside you on the bus tomorrow.

EO'S - "If I'd me way ye'd be driving it. - Ouch."

AC Maybe not a goalkeeper, but what about

SCW Alistair, this is a Rugby .